ARE YOU READY FOR CHILDREN/DO YOU SUCK AT BIRTH CONTROL?
PLEASE COMPLETE IN FULL AND RETURN
☐Yes ☐No Do you or have you ever been sprayed in the eye with urine?
☐Yes ☐No When you go to sleep at night, do you hope to be awakened 1-8 times?
☐Yes ☐No Are you any good at laundry?
☐Yes ☐No Can you survive on granola bars?
If you answered yes to the previous question, for how long?___________
☐Yes ☐No Do you prefer Curious George to television that isn’t terrible?
☐Yes ☐No Have you ever held a baby in the air and caught spit-up in your mouth?
☐Yes ☐No If Old McDonald was your ring tone, would this make you feel violent?
☐Yes ☐No Do you know how to use a magic eraser?
☐Yes ☐No Can you pee with someone watching?
PLEASE RATE YOUR ANSWER ON A SCALE OF 1-10 (1-VERY LITTLE 10-A WHOLE DAMN LOT)
___How important is your vagina to you? (if you are a man, please write N/A)
___How skilled are you at wiping the bum of an acrobatic eel after a massage?
___How betrayed do you feel when your child pokes your butt and tells you its “squishy?”
___Level of enthusiasm for 2 hour road trip that takes 5 hours
___How much do you like cold macaroni and cheese?
IF YOU ANSWERED “NO” TO MORE THAN 3 OF THE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE NOT READY .
IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO MORE THAN 8 OF THE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE NOT READY .
IF YOU SCORED “20” OR BELOW, YOU ARE NOT READY .
IF YOU SCORED “20” OR ABOVE, YOU ARE NOT READY .
 nobody has actually ever been ready. so you’re probably ready.