Should we talk about Comic Con? Let’s talk about Comic Con. And let me preface this by saying, I AM SO SORRY I didn’t live tweet this. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever tweeted anything, but this would have been a good time to start. Fortunately for you, since I’m a dedicated writer (bwahaha) I took notes. YES, I TOOK NOTES.
Let’s start from the top. Or bottom, It’s unclear what trajectory this narrative will take.
Rob and the boys decided to tag along for the first few hours. Yes, tag along. Because this was my day. I had a carefully selected schedule of panels and meet and greets to attend (but less meet and greet and more, saunter by the C-list celebrity table and indiscriminately try to make eye contact). As we were pulling in I saw my first Trekkie of the day. I jabbed Rob, “Rob, ROB! LOOK!” *hysterical fit of crazed laughter* Much like one might do before introducing your children to an important political figure, I gave the boys some pointers as far as what to look out for, and the general importance of what they were about to experience.
I showed up embarrassingly late to the first panel, though, when the volunteer walked me to the center of the lecture room for “All Things Middle Earth,” I quickly took my seat and felt at home amongst my people. Also, I sat next to a middle-aged woman dressed as Aragorn. It was confusing, but also, awesome.
After that I caught up with Rob and the boys to take them to Jedi Knight training. Andy wielding a pool noodle and attempting mind-control on a full-on cosplay Jedi was unbelievable, if not a little too unrealistic. Clearly his enrollment would have been better suited for, Hobbit training-How to Eat 25 Meals a Day: Advanced Level. Robbie, on the other hand, was a natural. He’ll make a great villain, someday. After Wizard training and a quick loop around the vendors, I ditched the kids to head off to the next panel. Bye kids, have fun storming the castle!
Room 255B: How to Clean Blood Out of the Trunk and Other Writerly Google Searches. As far as content, this was my favorite panel. The smell in the room was a bit off-putting but once you were in there for a while, you got used to it. The panelists all discussed how they had “experts” in their lives that they relied on to help assist in accurate research. I myself, not infrequently, get phone calls from my brother (also a writer, less smelly though) that, without any preface, begin like this, “So if someone was going to have their ear ripped off, what would be the most natural part of the ear to rip first?” *Long pause.* “Oh hello, Dru, how are the kids?”
I’ll admit I had to ditch out a little early from the Q&A because once the AC kicked on, the smell of basement and Bugels got caught in the upwind and started to circulate fairly aggressively.
Next. Glitter tats. Why, you ask? Sorry…what was the question? My girlfriend and I were denied the traditional tat placement, the face, because allegedly, “the glitter might get in our eyes,” (which really took the spring out of my step) so we had to settle for the arms. I
should also mention the mom that tried to maneuver her 9 year-old past us in line, muttering some excuse about being late for a guest appearance. Which, as you might expect was met with a sideways glance and a, “oh yeah, bummer.” Because, really? Would you hold your 9 year-old up like a shield in battle, too? Have you no shame? This isn’t Disneyland, sister. This is an adult conference where everyone just happens to be dressed up as iconic, influential, albeit fictional characters. CUTTING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. I digress. Seven dollars and a “also, this will last for 4 days” later, it was about that time to wander through the seething crowd of cosplay and tell random strangers how much we liked the way they looked dressed up as someone else.
We hit up the Peter Pan panel, because, PSA: if you haven’t read the original novel, DO IT. IT IS SO WEIRD. Peter Pan is a sociopath, Tink is a straight up ho, and Hook is basically just an old guy. However, the panel seemed uninformed, unprepared and aside from Peter Pan, Hook, and Tinkerbell in the front row, it was a huge disappointment. For shame, ya’ll.
Let’s see. At some point I bought some overpriced bacon, tried to find funnel cakes but then realized the smell we’d been following was nothing more than roasted peanuts which, for a lack of a better work, was DEVASTATING. Found a two-for-one David Bowie (suggestion: next time request they sing, “Power of the Babe” in a round), a guy dressed like the Duck Tape logo (which inexplicably blew my mind) and a super thirsty Arrow who tried to initiate small talk but didn’t get past his casual intro before I found a gap in the crowd and made my escape. I avoided most of the realistic cosplay characters because they gave me the cold sweats, except for an Anakin and Obi Wan who were LEGIT. I could have lept into Obi’s arms and told him he was my only hope but I think he was only 17 and I had some concern about blurring those lines. Instead I posed like a weirdo in front of them and then ran away.
So there you have it, Comic Con in a nutshell. And with that I’ll leave you with this ancient proverb, “I can be anything, take a look, its in a book, a Reading Rainbow!”