Sometimes I have ideas for writing material but they’re so jumbled up in my head I just don’t write them out because I’m literally too lazy to try to organize them. That’s why you’ll often find me a fan of listicles. Great excuse to forego any sort of formality. This is one of those times.
1. Skipping songs on Spotify really stresses me out. I’m convinced there is an organization with the company that specializes in secretly tormenting the lives of subscribers who skip too often. It’s like there’s no satisfying us no matter how hard the algorithm elves work, we can’t go two songs without skipping, so they sneak into our rooms at night and run a tiny brush against the natural direction of our eyebrows. Sabotage.
2. The beach is kind of a magical place. Its probably the only time its acceptable to sit in a chair for the better part of a day, watch and remark on passerby’s like you’re on an African Safari (“wow, look at the way that one moves in the water” “what unique markings that female has, I believe they call it a Trampius Stampiosa”), eat an entire family-share bag of pretzels, sip on diet coke as your main source of hydration, and only move from the aforementioned chair to get up and pee in the water everyone else is swimming in. Like I said, magical.
3. When my kid watches Bugs Bunny, I feel like its better for him. Like Bugs is the vegetables of cartoons and Jake the Pirate is the mini muffins. It just feels more organic. Original. Classic.
4. I was at a carnival the other night. My niece desperately wanted to ride the “Himalaya” (sit in a cart and zip around until its hard to close your mouth). The couple that sat in front of us (teenagers) felt like they needed to play it supa cool and not enjoy a single second of the ride. While my niece and I were screaming, laughing, trying to put our hands up, the guy in front of me was literally struggling to hold his arms in a relaxed position crossed behind his head. STOP THE RIDE! THIS BRO IS WAY TOO COOL TO BE HERE. GIVE HIM HIS TICKETS BACK!!!! Stop being the worst, teenagers! You’re making the dolphins sad!