I don’t know much about the cyber dating world. I did however, help a friend set up a profile on a dating website once. Afterward I blogged about what I thought my dating profile would look like. If you’re curious, you can read it here. What I thought was funny about the whole experience was how many people described themselves exactly the same way. The example I used in my blog was, “I’m really laid back.” This weekend I heard someone say, “I’m up for anything.” And then this happened…
Up for anything? Really? Well I’m not. I’m up for like 4 or 5 things, But not all the things. Stop with the ‘anything.’ No one is really up for anything. Unless you’re on The Bachelor, and in that case, if you’re not here to jump off a building for love, you were never committed to this journey in the first place. Loser.
What about “it takes a lot to get to me.” People love to say that. I don’t believe it though. I think it takes very little to get to most people. For instance, just the other day someone parked so close to my car I couldn’t get the carseat in. Then a pigeon landed in front of me. I almost murdered the pigeon so I could leave it on the other person’s car. But I’m not a sociopath. So I didn’t. But I did think about it.
And then there’s, “surprise me.”
Rob: Hey, i’m going to the store, want anything?
Me: Surprise me
Rob: No, that never works
Me: You’re right, just get me cake
Or, “I’m a lover not a fighter”. Just kidding, I do both of those things. Preferably in the opposite order.
How about, “I’m down but not out”. I guess I’m alone in this but if I’m down, I’m probably out too. Quit while you’re ahead, you know? That’s a sentiment I can get behind.
No use crying over spilled milk? You’ve obviously never pumped out a fresh batch of breastmilk and kicked it over before you got the lid on. Its hashtag, devastating.
Look at me, breakin the mold. #comeatmecliches