Most Okayest Mom of the Year

We had a difficult rough challenging annoying hellacious Our trip home from visiting my sister-in-law last week was a prime example of what occurs when a sleep-deprived toddler, and an even more sleep-deprived mom do not see eye-to-eye. Or perhaps what you might expect from an angry wolf cub attempting to overtake a Lioness who was behind on her DVR, and in desperate need of a caffeinated beverage. What I’m saying is, it was less than ideal. 

Robbie was so distraught about leaving his cousins (“becuse I wov dem so much”) he would unbuckle himself while we were driving and then reach over and fling open the door. After stopping several times, trying to unsuccessfully reason with him, tying a shirt around the buckle, and threatening him with unseemly language, his little body forfeited and he finally fell asleep. As it has a tendency to do, my luck betrayed me and as soon as he woke up he picked up where he had left off. While driving through a pitch black canyon, I hear his tiny fingers at work and then feel him hanging out of his seat and banging on the passenger’s seat. Worried about which is more dangerous, stopping in the middle of a narrow canyon, or continuing to drive, I decided neither were acceptable options and thought I’d try and outsmart my three-year-old (long shot). I carefully explain to him that I hoped there were no cops around, as driving without a seatbelt was illegal, and I really didn’t want him to go to jail. His crying and flailing escalated.

Nevertheless, behold, the clouds parted and a little treasure from Heaven levitated to our mortal earth right before my eyes. Two police officers pulled off to the side of the road with their lights on.


“Uh, oh Robbie. Do you see that? Do you think they know you’ve taken your seatbelt off?”

“Mom! I can’t get it back on! Mom!”

“Okay, I’ll pull over behind them and try to get you back in your seat before they see you.”

“Mom, hurry!”

I gingerly pull over, help him back into his seat and strap him in. He stares blankly out the window with nothing but the flashing of lights and terror reflecting in his eyes. I then creeeeeep past the police officers so Robbie can really drink it all in. After a few moments of snow-muffled silence Robbie says, “Whew. I almost went to jail.”

You can buy my book on parenting when it debuts in the Spring.

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One thought on “Most Okayest Mom of the Year”

  1. This is even more effective if you actually get pulled over on Main Street one day because your 5-year old is HANGING OUT THE WINDOW. I am incredibly grateful the world’s most compassionate police officer is also a dad and was more concerned with teaching Maddie the right thing to do than punishing me for being negligent.

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