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Public Restrooms



Yes. This is an entire post dedicated to my grievances with public restrooms. What initially began as a brief commentary on the horrors of being forced to use public restrooms all day, evolved into several paragraphs. Because we can’t change who we are.

  1. I can’t really figure out why we, as a society, decided that a half wall/door was sufficient for public bathrooms.
    • It is unacceptable to stand up from peeing and be able to look over at the person next to you. A lot of stalls are usually tall enough but there IS the occasional barrier that only comes up to your neck. This is not okay.
    • Even if the top of the stall hides your face, you are still identifiable by your shoes.
      • Your peeing stance (hover v full-contact) is also out there for the whole world to see. Is that really the kind of information you want Carol from two cubicles over to get a hold of?
  1. Noises are not okay.
    • Public restroom etiquette requires one to take a vow of silence. There are no exceptions.
      • No phone calls.
        • No sighing, no breathiness.
          • Nothing audible at any time.
            • Ever.
  2. Handwashing. Do it.
    • Just went in to adjust your belt? Irrelevant. Wash your hands anyway.
    • Putting soap on your palm and then washing it off with water does not equate to handwashing. If you don’t have 15 seconds to spare, you need to make some significant lifestyle changes.
    • Wash your child’s hands. We literally just heard them dunk their fingers in the toilet.
      • And drive their toy car across the tampon disposal.
        • Toys are not permitted in the stall.
  3. Talking across the stall barrier is strictly prohibited (outlined separately to address further questions regarding section 2).
    • This is uncharted territory and literally NOBODY knows the proper way to engage.
      • Do you wait until there is a lull in your stream to talk?
      • Do you wait until there is a lull in their stream?
      • Do you just pretend like there isn’t the background noise of peeing?!
  4. You don’t have to hold the door for me if I am taking your spot in a stall.
    • Yes, I’m sure.
      • No, but seriously, please don’t.
  5. Courtesy Flush.
    • Because it’s the right thing to do.

Please feel free to print, laminate and hang in your place of business.

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