Wherein I am your TV Guide Guru: See VOLUME I
Game of Thrones: #tbt to 2011 when winter was coming. Well, winter is here, and crap (<—edited for my mother-in-law) has hit the fan. Errbody dies (violently), errbody has a forboden love, and the entire world survives on meat drumsticks. All the women look like they shop at Free People, and the avid viewers of the series live in denial that they have embraced fantasy culture at its finest. Welcome to the
NCIS: This is like the McDonalds of shows. Everybody denies watching it but somebody’s lying. WE KNOW YOU’RE LYING, BRAD. Next, NCIS Hoboken: The Tanning Bed Terror. A low level criminal spends his evenings replacing tanning bed lotion with SPF100. Riots ensue. Will they catch him in time for Wednesday’s happy hour at the Petite Vodka Bar? Stay Tuned…
Shades of Blue: Jenny from the block epitomizes the strong, female lead in her role as detective in an undercover FBI blah blah blah.
The Bachelor: Season 8 seems to have finally proved some worth to watching this show (aside from the Gladiator inside all of us who live to see our fellow-man cat-fight to the death..of a dream). That is, there is now an online Fantasy Bachelor League you can join with tens of thousands of other Bachelor enthusiasts (but mostly, win money by betting on women like ponies). If you can stomach some aggressive voyeurism, hungry and drunk mid-twenties females, and an excessive (erring on the edge of nauseating) use of the word, “journey,” this one’s for you. Spoiler alert: There’s a 0% chance that guy would ever land any one of the women on the show out in the wild. Out in the wild, Ben, you’re a solid 8. I mean that.
The X-Files: Proof that for the right price, you can age like the ancient people of Bimini, drinking from the Fountain of Youth (commonly based in LA). Fourteen years, shmorteen years. #whatupdavidduchovny #thetruthisoutthere
Grey’s Anatomy: Damn you, Shonda Rhimes. Quit killing everyone. Every time…every time I think you’ll change. Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me three times and will still DVR you until my dying breath. #ripmcdreamy
The Flash: Far and away the most worthwhile show to watch on TV right now. The plot is cheesy, the acting is cheesy, and Grant Guston is adorable. Especially in a red unitard. #rungrantrun
The 100: People watch this. It’s about something.
Making a Murderer: This ones a doozy, ya’ll. It’s a rabbit hole so be prepared. It’s like Duck Dynasty, meets 60 minutes, meets that Netflix documentary about whales at Seaworld.